I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm passing your future prison.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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