I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
COCAINE IS GR8
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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