Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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