I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
