The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
