I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
