Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
