just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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