My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
