I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are the jesus of drinking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
