google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we should paint friendship bongs
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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