I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize