did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
