I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
