drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
