the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My pussy is not your playground.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
