You're so nebulous sometimes
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize