i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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