his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
