you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
