I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
