It's like God shit irony all over that family
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
