the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found a bag of teeth...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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