I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
