Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
