Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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