did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
