I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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