i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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