do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize