So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
