okay pat passed out under dana's car
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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