He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
