so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
