I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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