I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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