I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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