he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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