Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
