What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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