our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
