He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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