were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
