he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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