dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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