I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
