Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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