Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize