I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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