you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
