I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
