I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize