I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
