Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
