If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
