Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
