I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
