I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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