She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
