When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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