What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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