If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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