Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
