Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
