I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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