I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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