you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
