Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
this will be a night to untag.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
