Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
