once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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