I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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