The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
