She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
