he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
