and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
