I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
