Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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