DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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