We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
