party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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