My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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