call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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