Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize