Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
