I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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