and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
