not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
