Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
