i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
