I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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