My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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