Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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