Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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