Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
