Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
