I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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