4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think my moral compass just broke
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
