She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
