Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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