I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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